“What’s it to you anyway! You never did anything when I…” I choked, my throat constricted.
He was angry that I paid that guy attention. The guy who taught me how to properly sit and meditate, the reason behind meditation. He was jealous, angry that the guy was flirting with me and I was reciprocating. I wasn’t, but he insisted I was.
What was it to him anyway? He never cared, he never once gave any sign of concern nor affection. Offering that shoulder earlier on gave me a slight tinge of hope, but that left quickly enough when he was willing to let me go to Our next job appointment at 11 ALONE.
It was a small wedding ceremony. We were supposed to be witnesses, I think. We hitched a hike from a van, and he nearly let me go in alone… That asshole. When he finally went in, I followed and answered in response to the two drivers, “He’s my boyfriend.” I lied with the foolish, naive desperation of someone deathly paranoid about kidnappers, rapists, serial killers and whatnots.
“See, I told you they had something between them!” one exclaimed. That gave me a tinge of hope too, but that quickly faded when he became jealous, angry, spiteful, mean.
I woke up with my heart wrenching, feeling so hurt and weak and confused and vulnerable. I was crying in my dream, but nothing was wrong when I woke. A ghost of that broken heart still remains, a phantom hole in my heart.