It’s been a while since I cried. With pain gushing through my leaking ducts.
But the pain helped me see a pattern. All the funks and degenerations I’ve had in this past year all went back to this issue. They always did and while I assumed I was just prolonging the pain in a mashochistic gesture, it was actually the root of the matter. It always was.
So today, a couple hours back, I took a step of unknown faith and courage. I confronted this fear and issue, I apologised to the parties involved and forgave myself. It was hard, but it made me smile, truly smile after a week of frowns and downturned pouts.
It was the first time I felt so confident I would never go back to that old self. I knew it was now officially in the past.
I’m so grateful to the people who have been there for me through this. Amanda especially. God has been there, placing the right people at the right time. A verse by Jyrminn before I wrote the post must have inspired this post unknowingly actually, and it just proves of His timely intervention.
I know I’ve been far and I’ve been making a lot of empty promises to turn to Him. But I am trying. I will turn to Him again, soon. Not today, but tomorrow I will slowly head back to Him. With this sadness out of the way, it’s time.