Confession #2

I’m deathly afraid of being alone for the rest of my life.

In every sense of being alone.

Without family, without friends, without God, without a partner.

 

I’m so afraid, it stings with every recollection of chances to sustain love missed.

Lost friends, soured relations, empty glances as we walk on by.

A lot of anger too – I’m still working on managing my anger after all these years, but it rises like bile with things that are sewn to my heart.

 

Deathly afraid, it steals my breath leaving a vacuum that crushes my spirits and hopes and every ounce of joy.

I’m so afraid of the nothingness that might be, that one day this ever overflowing bubble of emotions will explode, leaving but a dark hole sucking all traces of happiness along with it into the abyss, and I will never feel again, and I will be alone for all eternity till the stars fall away and I go blind with the piercing black of the endless, expanding, empty skies in my soul.

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