I used to love so hard and too much, where I gave my heart and soul and mind, never wanting to be me but an us and a we. But I forgot that giving so much away doesn’t mean complete reciprocation, and now I’ve lost so much of my heart and soul and mind.

I’m growing more insane, and more absent-minded. Thoughts scurry about in secret corners, drudging up the past when the walls fall down, when the train derails, when I wander away from reality that is at hand.

My soul is melting away, existence but an essence and truth so far and so abstract, where God is a figure and is real but I can’t seem to get to Him. I can’t find the key to bring me past this glass door, I can’t enjoy Your warm embrace.

My heart is not hurting nor bleeding, my heart is not gaping and aching. It is broken and shattered, dead and hardened, coagulated blood lumps in replacement of fresh excitement. 

I used to love so hard and too much, but now my heart is dead, my soul is dry and my mind is mad, and I can’t love cause love is a foreign entity meant for others, and I can not hope to receive it nor feel it or give it.

At least for now, until I can learn to be human again.

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