Pulling me in

My mother told me to stay away from men like you.
Those with tongues of honey,
those who lift you upon pedestals
made from the lies they made you believe.
Men who make you go, “Poor baby”
and tell you constantly about how you opened up their eyes.
Men like my father.

But you were not like the others.
You were cute and geeky and honest.
You understood me and I could always read you.
I always joked about how you were the male version of me
And then we’d laugh, falling into each others’ arms
before holding each other close in silent harmony.

You made me feel so beautiful.
I am my heaviest in years, the entirety of my life
but I was satisfied with me loving myself alone
Until you came and told me
How beautiful my strong legs are
How perfect my ass was
How gorgeous I am on the inside and out
How cute I could be, the Joey you want and miss

Because there were days where I drew apart
because this wasn’t right and we knew it.
But you were my latest addiction
and I kept being pulled back in

How could I say no to someone who sees me as their closest friend
who wants me in their life so much
who was the only one who ever told him that
“With you, I don’t want to think about the future”
who listened to him and cared about what he had to say.
I wanted to be your giver and provider.

I wanted to help you fall in love for the first time.
I wanted to be wanted and needed and above all chosen.
And you gave me that and beyond.
You gave me what I needed to give myself.
You were my coward’s way out.
And I kept getting pulled back in.

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