Since 5th July, I’ve been down and out. Falling back into cruel depressed routine. Must be cause I’ve stopped taking fluoxetine for about a month and the long half-life pills can’t help me out after a month long hiatus.
Waiting for a job offer, waiting for graduation. The ceremony is on the 27th but I’m torn between wanting everyone I love to be there, and not going at all. My best friend won’t be able to make it because she’s in Malaysia. I don’t have enough tickets for my sister and her family to come. I don’t really have that many close friends to invite, plus those that I do have are working adults and the ceremony is on a Wednesday.
If I start work before the 27th, will I have to go back to the office? I wonder if I will be celebrating after the ceremony. If I will take pictures of course mates. I don’t even want to see anyone.
I so desperately want to be in love and be in comfortable togetherness but my need to have someone else fix my problems and make me feel better constantly is toxic, for both parties. Until I can control my problems better, through medicine and counselling or other means, I shouldn’t date nor even allow myself to fall in love.
But how do you control your heart without losing the ability to love fully? Need my magical pills again.