Heartbreak

I’ve had many failed loves
Whether relationships that ended
Or one-sided infatuations coming to an end.

With each of their demise came the tears.

You know the kind I’m talking about:

Snot-filled
Puffy eyes
Cracked voice
maybe a little bit of drooling

But even after my first boyfriend told me he never really loved me
Or after my best friend of 8 years broke off our newly-founded romantic relations
Not one of them broke my heart as much as my mom could, and still can.

Just one single argument
(that escalates into a screaming match
paired with passive aggressive screeches of my ungratefulness
unfilial-ness
rudeness
and how undeserving I am of their love and brought up)

leaves me crying so hard I’m left
voiceless
eyes burning with tears long evaporated into salt
lungs splitting apart after heavy heavings
(perhaps even a panic attack as I hyperventilate)
muscles cramping from curling into a ball
as I try to keep my shattered heart together and make it whole again

before I come crawling into her arms
begging for her forgiveness and her love again
praying she’ll take me into her embrace
tell me she still loves me
wants me
pet my head and make all the bad feels go away

I make do with the anger in her voice
and the look of disgust on her face
as she holds me
and tells me Okay lah stop crying already!
Stupid girl, cry so hard until like that.
Who asked you to be so rude, huh?

And I cry like a baby
who just got her first bruise
relieved by a mother’s touch and presence
and cries louder simply from the ease of knowing mother’s here
that I am now safe.

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5 thoughts on “Heartbreak

  1. OMG WOW this poem is incredible. This must of been hard for you to write.

    Like

    • Joey Aziel says:

      Thank you so much! 🙂 It was… both incredibly tough yet easy to write, to be honest. I guess it had been waiting such a long time to come forth, so when it finally did it was simple.

      Like

  2. This is such an amazing poem. It means a lot to know someone else is going through this like me.

    Like

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