Tag Archives: Escapade

Escapade bursts

Been having more nightmares recently. The types that linger even though you’re dog tired daily and forget important details of your everyday waking life regularly.

1) He was taping girls, 2 of which were literally doll sized. 1 was a young adult. They started spilling vomit from their vaginas after he was finished and we went down on them. The older lady tried to push him away, shocked and repulsed but he pushed on. She eventually gave in and engaged in the fellatio as well. 

2) I will update this when I remember. A little woozy right now

3) I have been telling myself that I deserve to be treated wonderfully by my future partner. Went to bed with drowsy fever medicine during the afternoon. 

I told my friend that I deserve to be treated well. He leaned over, hand on the back of my neck to pull me in to kiss me. I pushed him away. He told me, “For someone who has so many criterias, you should have lower standards.”

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Escapade – 11th October 

My mom was angry, furious at me and in spite, I picked up the handgun, pointed it at my stomach upside down, and pulled. 

No recoil no heat, just pain. A very bad cramp, seeping blood that doesn’t drip. I felt the bullet within my stomach, pulling my centre of gravity towards it so my soul and mind and fear were buried in its middle.

M made his appearance again, offering to send me to the hospital. I get in the cab with him, the bullet now lodged deep like an unborn child, haunting my future. We switched cars, why? But the next driver was a policeman and I was scared to mentioned I shot myself with a gun, yet he waved it off with embarrassment, as though mentioning my use of a gun to hurt myself was shameful to talk about.

I lean on M’s shoulder, seeking comfort and love, and he leans his head upon mine. Home. Peace. Huge wrench of pain and doubled over.

Back to a house, everyone there. My mother was angry and not sympathetic.

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I dreamt I said I love you

One night I dreamt we were running away.
Hiding in the house, away from the thugs.
They were dangerous,
they kept us hostage before we escaped.
They had guns.

We ran into the kitchen when they shot through the doors.
I crouched behind the ovens while you laid on the floor,
curled up eyes shut, arms overhead.
One step, one shot, and you were dead.

He came towards me,
gun outstretched,
bullet pointing at my skull.

Before he pulled
I said a prayer.
Not wishing to be in Heaven,
not begging to be safe from Hell,
no remorse or regrets, no desperation; in fact

I said I love You, God.

Everything went dark

Before I opened my eyes to life again.

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