Tag Archives: fear love dichotomy

In light of self-sabotage

Full out bawling
A child again
Deep chested
Mouth hanging

Fear of abandonment
Of patterns revisited
Demon whispering I told you so
Logic screaming just be chill
Stop being crazy
Just trust his words
Why can’t you just

Broken before but not him
So why cling to the past
Why be a stereotype
Why let your crazy control you
Why believe you have a crazy side
Thus allowing it existence and power

Drop it.

Why can’t you just let yourself be happy.

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Shifting plates

Swaying with the autumn wind,
Swept about with every gust
Never landing, never settling

So far from her branch
Broken off and now
Drifting along with the torrential tides high

Wave upon wave of uncertainty
Ripples of opinions
So far from the pebbly beach

Withdrawing after each crash
Each crush
Falling past the edge of cliffs

Down the rabbit hole
Through the clouds
Two feet always on shifting plates.

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Late night thoughts

When I think about being a God-fearing Christian, or just the concept of fearing God, whom has be perpetuated as this fluffy cuddly God from the new testament on, and in a lot of evangelical churches, I find it hard to fear him. But then I look to nature, where we find the most calming, soothing, beautiful, nurturing environments around, in which we go to escape even the clutters of our minds. The same nature where beautifully terrifying storms and earthquakes and tsunamis and lightning and diseases and mutations and the circle of life occurs. And I both fear and adore nature with such an intensity, such a perfect balance which I put no blame on for the fear it sometimes strikes in my heart, because it’s perfect balance and synchronisation, and even in its unpredictability, it still makes some sort of sense. That’s what I get when I think about the God I should both fear and love. Not in the he’s cruel and just wants to kill us all way, not in the he just wants us to live super happy lives. But in the essence of the complexity yet simplicity of nature.

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