Tag Archives: universe

Fate

Strange thing, fate.

To some, it might be landing that dream job through lending a kind hand to a stranger.
To others, finding a $100 bill on the floor right as they’ve used their last dollar on bills.

Often, it’s magical and like a fairytale. Unbelievable until it happens to you, then you feel the universe aligning just for you.

For me, fate came through for me through a series of events. A long series of friendships, romance, relationships, casual dates, explorations, and self-discovery. With that self-love and acceptance came courage, trust and a willingness to try.

Despite the occasional segue here and there such as hanging out with the wrong guy over 8 months, an uncertain job situation, and a gross undervaluing of the type of love and respect I deserve, the right guy and I are finally stepping in tandem.

I could probably attribute this confusing medley to my blatant disregard of my emotions. After counselling and some medication, it became a habit for me to take my emotions as a lie, to be an exploding whirlpool of obsession and self-sabotage. But when you are unable to bring yourself to end things with someone cause it’s too painful, and you find yourself bawling with pain as you hear him cry, when you would rather pick him than the one who’d been around for 8 months and instead start to work on how to end things with your past (although circumstances, or FATE, allowed for him to leave my present instead), it’s time to accept fate’s hand in your future happiness.

If you find a man who steps into your life and has been nothing but loving, caring, encouraging and excited to learn about, talk to and be with you from day 1, and even as you were almost breaking up, still wanted the best for you, you shouldn’t walk away out of unfounded fears.

But back to Fate.

The main thing is that if you have a blog that barely anyone knows of, and this guy you met on reddit through a Very specific sub-reddit group was actually a loyal reader since 2013, it’s time to stop worrying and fearing, and just accept that you deserve love and someone like him in your life.

You deserve to be with someone who loves you, who makes you happy, and know that you can keep being happy. There’s no need for self-sabotage. Just accept Fate’s hand in your life and go with it, enjoy it and be the best you can be with this man.

 

TLDR; met someone amazing, he turned out to be a reader of my blog since years ago, and I’m so happy I’m no longer with the wrong person, but am instead with someone who actively chose me and fell for me and my written word from years ago.

 

That’s just so beautiful, don’t you think?

Feeling so incredibly honoured to be blessed by Fate’s rare hand.

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Tactile Surreality.

Passing gradients and swirl dream dyes.

bumps, crackle, white-red sparks
chest expanding lifts,
tippity-top of the brain
rolling eyes.

oxygen widening the tubes
seeping into nubs
tinkling jerks and winces
clench

Smooth rippling tides by gentle lilies.

Self obsession a cure
for redirection
and healthy minds
healthy hearts
healthy lives.

Ease, a belief of connected souls.

snap, crunch, crackle, brittle
seeping, crystals, thick
soft, compact, tough
tender, hurried, curious.

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Loneliness

What is this 

Running alcohol

Of emptiness 

In between my lungs and at the centre of my lower spine.

Coldness appears like the chill unexpected at 4am after a night of tossing in humid Asia.

Mental tears forming and pooling

Empty eyes.

Fear, burrowing, curling. 

Slightest needles of agonising icy spears jabbing incessantly behind and above the breasts

Breathing getting tougher as nostrils seem to tighten and air gets sweeter.

Shrapnel sweetness of air, loneliness pains, clenched muscles in the calves and butt.
Loneliness beyond romantic and platonic friends and partners.

Loneliness in this universe, always expanding never ceasing to stop or slow down and each connection growing steadily further.
God is infinite. Is there and mind proportionate stretch of me between Him as the universe speeds on by?

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Jesus wept

two words

Jesus wept

I wept
I am weeping
the beauty of music is its ability to

shock our soul into
recognition of mortality

connection, flimsy contact

shaking and trembling
tears dripping
heart breaking

stiff and agonising realisation
mortal prison of flesh
the soul she cries

for she can not escape and mingle with her fragments
swirling with the universe

trapped shard in meaningless structures
false identities and constructs.

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